D Day

Wednesday is Decision Day. When this school year started I planned to move to Utah when my contract was up. I was ready to make a big move, another change, just because I could. I tried dating a few of the guys from church, but no one was catching my interest. If I was asked to sign a contract for the next school year back in February then I would have said that I was moving. However, my circumstances have changed. I started dating a guy from the climbing gym, whom I know call Boulderin' Boyfriend. I really like him. He is fun to spend time with and I feel comfortable around him and that is a nice change. I feel like I can fall in love with him. Maybe I already am...and that scares me a little bit, because he is not Mormon.

Ever since I served a mission for my church I told myself that I was not going to date a non-member, because I didn't want to deal with the complications of being with someone of another faith. However, I also never expected to be single this long either. It has been such a difficult recovery from the exboyfriend who broke my heart. I was beginning to wonder if I would find anyone that I could love as much. I didn't plan to date someone outside my faith, but can I be blamed that sometimes I looked at those options? The thing is, I can just tell if a relationship could work with a person. I don't need time to assess that. I just know, because things feel comfortable. There is no other way to explain it. Even though I feel comfortable it doesn't actually mean the relationship will result in marriage. That didn't happen with the exboyfriend, but from my perspective I think it could have worked. I thought it was right with him and I can feel that same kind of connection with Boulderin' Boyfriend.

He's cute. I haven't written anything about him yet, because I wasn't sure how serious things were going to be. The first few weeks of dating were a whirlwind. Now they have become routine. He is cute, because he loves to be outdoors. He is passionate about rock climbing. Passionate. I love to climb, because everyday he thinks about climbing and every trip he makes must involve a bit of climbing, even it is on a building. If he is not climbing then he will go on a hike or ride his bike. When he bought me flowers he picked out the ones that looked most like wildflowers. And although he is not super romantic, there are moments when he says the perfect thing. He is a good guy and I really like him.

But there is just one thing. I wish I could say it is a small thing, but it isn't. It is about my faith. This Sunday there was a lesson about unity and I couldn't help but think that a marriage needs to have unity. I want to be unified with my husband when it comes to raising my children in the gospel. I want to say prayers with my husband when I fall asleep at each night. And most importantly I want him to believe in God in the same way that I believe in God. I'm afraid that falling for Boulderin' Boyfriend will make me walk away from some of the things that I want, because I will be thinking about love and not faith. I am afraid because I know my weaknesses. I'm not saying that he is a bad guy, because he is not, but can we truly be unified and have this major difference?

It is really weighing on my mind right now, because Wednesday is D-day. I have to decide whether or not I'm going to sign my contract for next year. I was pretty sure I was going to stay after being so happy these past few months, but am I following my heart and neglecting the right choice? I can only pray about this. If I stay then I told myself that I will give this relationship one year and if it is not right then I will finally take that trip around the world. And if I go, then a chapter of my life with unfold very shortly.