I have been having a couple of hard days. Actually, I think Sundays are my hardest day, because I'm just not that busy so I let my mind think about all the things that I miss. Today has been really hard, which sucks, because I really had a great weekend. I have been meeting a lot of new people, but I guess I'm just disappointed because I am not liking any of the guys. They just don't give me butterflies. But today I was looking through some of my scrapbook stuff and I came across this amazing quote. It was exactly what I needed, so here is goes:
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."
- Helen Keller
I find a lot of the guys interesting that I'm meeting, but I just don't get butterflies. Could it be that I have a wall up? I'm just looking too much at the closed door. Maybe they really just aren't right for me and that is why I don't feel sparks. I just have to be patient. I just really hope that I will find someone that I can love who will love me back, who will need me. I miss being wanted...ugh, sometimes I feel so pathetic. But honestly, I know that I'm a great catch. I know that. I can't wait to find the right person so I can share myself with that person and love being with them. I can't believe how hard it is for me to move on. But I need to look for the open door. I need to be patient and it will happen when I least expect it...
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Closing a Door
Posted by Travelin' Tracy at 7:18 PM
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3 comments:
While I do like the quote, I have found that doors are everywhere. Each day I make a decision that takes me in a different direction. I feel like my life is a Choose Your Own Adventure novel, and every page is another door to another possibility. Not every door is grand and has something earth-shattering behind it, but each courageous step through a doorway is a step away from the pain of the past and toward wherever my life is heading. That's how I look at it.
Happiness isn't something we can order up, and if it was, we wouldn't appreciate it as much. Imagine the disaster if one in ten men gave us those butterflies! Imagine if we could actually fall in love whenever we wanted. What makes it so special is how hard-earned it usually is, and how many frogs (or even average guys) there are out there before we find our prince.
You're doing really well, Tracy. You're open and you're interested in meeting people. You just need to relax and have fun. It will happen. If you let it.
You're in my thoughts. :)
For me sparks came much later but they have lasted for the 10 years that we have known each other and almost 6 that we have been married.
You are absolutely right about not looking at the closed doors. It is difficult to move on, but that is what you should do.
Ben-Thanks. I think I am over thinking life right now. For so long I thought I knew what was in my future and now I'm having to look again. I guess I am just 'trying' so hard to figure it all out right now that I am not enjoying the moment. Thanks for reminding me to just let life happen.
Extraordinaire-You are very right, we can't order happiness just like we don't always order sadness. It just happens. Honestly, if I think about it, this experience will make the next love that much more appreciate. Maybe I took for granted what I had. And thanks for the encouragement...I'm glad to know that I'm not as pathetic as I feel sometimes.
Mridula-I realize that butterflies can happen with time. Like I wrote, sometimes I just get caught up in the past, thinking about what my past relationship is like. I just hope that one day I will meet another guy that will give me butterflies...Hope...that's what I'm wokring on!
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