I didn't get into two of the graduate schools that I applied to. I found out today...Honestly I don't feel much of a desire to attend the other two that I applied to. Should I feel bad? There is definitely a feeling of rejection, because I was planning on this. But I also figured I was going to move to Utah even if I didn't get into school. So now I'm have to look for a job out there. Is that really where I want to go? Why does life have to be so confusing?
The last year of my life has been full of so much rejection. When is something good going to come? I know I need change, but is the change just moving out of my house into an apartment or moving across the country. What if I just change locations and move to California or Oregon? I don't know. I'm so confused. I don't know how people can just pray and know what they are supposed to do. I have been doubting everything! I'm sure things will be better tomorrow, but for the moment I feel depressed again.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Why me?
Posted by Travelin' Tracy at 5:52 PM
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3 comments:
Oh, Tracy, I'm so sorry! I know how disappointing it is to have your whole life planned around being accepted somewhere and when it doesn't pan out, you feel desperate and lost.
Might this be an opportunity to evaluate what it is that you were hoping to gain from these particular graduate programs and checking into alternative schools with the same potential? Was your heart so set on these two that you really didn't give the others a chance? Is there room for attending a school that was your third choice, or will you just not want to pay the money and not want to put the effort into it if it isn't what you really wanted?
I'm sorry you're so upset about this. I wish I could offer some advice, but disappointment is seldom consoled. Hang in there! Sometimes your destiny isn't always where you think you're going to go or how you thought you'd get there. Wallow for tonight, but don't let it get you too down. You're going in the right direction, but it might only be obvious in hindsight.
Tracy, I am so sorry to hear this. What to say? When I feel desparate my husband says "this too shall pass" and so it does, but it is something I can't see immediately. Just hang in there.
After a good night's rest I feel better. It does stink a little bit, but maybe I was overreacting about the other two schools. I don't necessarily want to live in the locations for my two back-up schools, but I did apply there for a reason.
This also opens me up to option two: applying for jobs in new locations. It will definitley take some work to apply to new schools, but change is what I really want. Besides, I have thought about how much I love teaching, maybe I will be happy working for another year, just in a new location.
It just hurt to be feel rejected again and it brought in a lot of hurt. But I am thankful for your encouraging words. I needed it! Even though I haven't met either of you I want you to know that your thoughtfulness was exactly what I needed!
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